Escape to Paradise: Marazul Apart Hotel, Florianópolis Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your grandma's boring hotel review. We're diving deep into a hot mess of a hotel, aiming for honest chaos and hopefully selling at the end. Let's get this started for :
(Disclaimer: I'm making this up. I have no actual experience with this hotel. This is all speculative based on the list you provided. Don't book based on this alone, you goofs!)
Alright, so we're looking at… deep breath… . Okay. Deep breath number two. I'm already getting overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff they offer. This hotel, if it is what it claims to be, is like a goddamn Swiss Army knife of hospitality. Let's hack through this jungle, shall we?
First Impressions & Accessibility: The Gateway to Graciousness (Or Lack Thereof)
Okay, Accessibility. Big one. We gotta love those with mobility issues.
- Wheelchair accessible: This is essential. If they say it is, prove it. Ramps that are steeper than my life choices? NOT ACCEPTABLE. Proper elevators? CHECK! Bathroom accommodations? Double-check!
- Facilities for disabled guests: Specifics, people! Don't just say it. Show me. Braille menus? Sensory-friendly options? This is where you win or lose.
- Elevator: Obvious, but crucial. No one wants a Stairmaster vacation.
- Exterior corridor: Great for getting around.
- Check-in/out [express, private]: Depends on the type of customer.
Accessibility & Overall: A Mixed Bag, Potentially! If they nail accessibility, this hotel scores BIG points for inclusivity. If they whiff it? Disaster.
On-Site Accessible Restaurants / Lounges: A MUST if you're claiming accessibility. If some spaces are off-limits, that's a big fail.
Internet, Oh, the Internet! A Saga of Wires and Wi-Fi
Okay, internet. It's 2024. You NEED working internet. This better be a slam dunk.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Amen. The best phrase ever. If this is a lie…well I'm going to be mad.
- Internet: Just "Internet"? Okay, so what's the speed? Is it dial-up? I'd hate THAT.
- Internet [LAN]: For you "wired" folks. Fine. But make sure the Wi-Fi is up to snuff too.
- Wi-Fi in public areas: Essential. No buffering during your poolside Insta stories.
- Internet services: What services? Printing? Scanning? Are we talking about a business hotel here?
Anecdote: I once stayed in a "luxury" hotel that had worse Wi-Fi than my grandma's landline. Seriously, I could have sent carrier pigeons faster. Fail.
Rooms, Glorious Rooms! My Little Hotel Fortress
- Available in all rooms: Alright, but what is it. Also, is there even availability?
- Additional toilet: If you're sharing a room with someone, yeah, this is a win.
- Air conditioning: Essential, unless you're into sweating profusely.
- Alarm clock: Okay, but give me the option to silence the demon.
- Bathrobes, slippers: Nice touch!
- Bathroom phone: Who's calling? The ghost of my productivity?
- Bathtub, separate shower/bathtub: I NEED a good bath. Always.
- Blackout curtains: SLEEP. Is. IMPORTANT.
- Closet: Because I bring too much stuff.
- Coffee/tea maker, complimentary tea: YES! Caffeine is life.
- Daily housekeeping: Please be good.
- Desk, laptop workspace: For writing my brilliant travel blogs (cough, cough).
- Extra long bed: THANK GOD. Tired of my feet hanging off the end.
- Free bottled water: Hydration is key.
- Hair dryer: Essential for the humidity of life.
- High floor: I like a view.
- In-room safe box: For my valuables (and my crippling anxiety).
- Interconnecting room(s) available: If I'm traveling as a family.
- Linens: Are they clean? Are they soft? I have standards.
- Mini bar: Don't get any ideas, folks.
- Mirror: So I can judge my life choices.
- Non-smoking: Bless.
- On-demand movies: If I can't get out of the room, keep me entertained.
- Private bathroom: NEED!
- Reading light: For reading, duh.
- Refrigerator: Perfect for my midnight snacks.
- Satellite/cable channels: More channels than sanity.
- Scale: "I'll use this after vacation," I’ll lie to myself.
- Seating area: For a little me-time.
- Shower: Cleanliness is king.
- Smoke detector: Good to have.
- Socket near the bed: So I can charge my phone and scroll through Instagram until 3 am.
- Sofa: For lounging, duh.
- Soundproofing: Please, YES.
- Telephone: If you're under 60, you probably don't use this.
- Toiletries: Hopefully nicer than the generic stuff.
- Towels: Fluffy, please!
- Umbrella: Because rain.
- Visual alarm: Accessibility matters.
- Wake-up service: Do NOT screw this up.
- Wi-Fi [free]: Again, thank you.
- Window that opens: Fresh air!
Cleanliness and Safety: (Here comes the anxiety)
This section is CRITICAL. COVID changed the game.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good start.
- Cashless payment service: It is the only way!
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Mandatory.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: Essential.
- Hand sanitizer: Available everywhere!
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Hot is good.
- Hygiene certification: DO they actually KNOW what’s going on?
- Individually-wrapped food options: Yeah, good.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Enforced?
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Needed.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: If I trust them.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Duh.
- Safe dining setup: What does this MEAN?
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Vital.
- Shared stationery removed: Right.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: They better be.
- Sterilizing equipment: Fine.
Anecdote: I once stayed at a hotel where the "sanitized" remote control was COVERED in… stuff. I will leave it at that. Run!
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Fueling the Machine
- A la carte in restaurant: Good option!
- Alternative meal arrangement: Great.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: If it’s good, win.
- Bar: Important!
- Bottle of water: Basic, but needed.
- Breakfast [buffet], Buffet in restaurant: I LOVE A BUFFET. But… is it safe?
- Breakfast service, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: Variety is the spice of life.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Must-haves!
- Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour: Let's be real.
- International cuisine in restaurant: Alright. Be good.
- Poolside bar: YES.
- Restaurants: How many? Any good?
- Room service [24-hour]: This is the definition of luxury.
- Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant: Options! Good.
Anecdote: I once ate in a hotel restaurant and spent the entire time judging people's buffet choices. I'm not proud.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax (This is where it gets good)
This is where the hotel either sells itself or completely falls apart.
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Okay, so we have a SPA. A VIEW. A POOL. And a sauna? SOLD. This is the stuff of vacation dreams. But is it actually nice? The devil is in the details (and the water quality).
- Couple's room: Aw, how romantic. *
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your sanitized, perfectly-edited travel itinerary. This is the real deal, the messy, glorious, sunburnt truth of a week at Marazul Apart Hotel in Florianopolis, Brazil. Prepare for rambles, opinions, and probably more than a few typos – because, honestly, that's how life (and travel) actually is.
The Unofficial, Unsanitized, Probably-Not-Very-Helpful Florianopolis Experience: Courtesy of Yours Truly (and Marazul Apart Hotel)
Day 1: Debriefing and Disorientation (aka, the Arrival)
- Morning (8:00 AM - 12:00 PM): The flight from… wherever I even came from (memory’s a tad fuzzy after that red-eye) landed! Florianopolis airport. Woo! The humidity hit me like a warm, wet hug. A slightly suffocating hug, if I'm being honest. First impression: green, lush, and surprisingly populated. Uber to Marazul. The driver was… a character. Blasting Brazilian pop so loud I think my eardrums might actually still be vibrating. He kept trying to teach me a few phrases - “Olá, tudo bem?” (I think that's the one - "Hello, how's it going?"). I kept accidentally saying "Hello, my name is Bob." (My name is not Bob). Still, a good start.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Check-in at Marazul. The receptionist? Sweet, but the English was… challenging. Let's just say a lot of pointing and frantic Google translate went on. Finally, the keys! My apartment: a tiny, tiled haven. Okay, let’s be real: it’s cozy. But the balcony! That view! Oh, the view over the ocean! I swear, I spent a solid hour just staring at it. Trying to mentally unpack from the flight, both literally and metaphorically.
- Late Afternoon/Early Evening (4:00 PM - 7:00 PM): Grocery run. Armed with my (hilariously inadequate) Portuguese and a list scribbled on a napkin. The supermarket was a sensory overload. The smells! Freshly baked bread, exotic fruits I couldn't even name, and a general air of organized chaos that could rival New York City. Ended up buying… everything. Or, at least, a large portion of the stuff on the shelves. And possibly some things I didn't recognize. Think I got some kind of custard-like substance. No regrets, yet.
- Evening (7:00 PM onwards): Dinner on the balcony. Opened a bottle of (probably) Chilean wine I grabbed from the store. Watched the sunset. It was… ridiculously beautiful. Ate the unknown custard. Tasted like vanilla with a weird, slightly gritty texture. Fell asleep shortly after. Jet lag is a beast.
Day 2: Praia Mole & The Pursuit of the Perfect Acai Bowl (and Other Disasters)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Dragged myself out of bed. The view, still amazing. Breakfast… struggled. The "café da manhã" (breakfast) at the hotel wasn’t amazing. Decided to take a stroll to Praia Mole. I tried to figure out the bus system, but gave up after twenty minutes. Taxi.
- Late Morning/Afternoon (11:00 AM - 4:00 PM): Praia Mole. Ah, Praia Mole, you glorious, surfer-filled, slightly-too-crowded beach. The waves were intense. I spent an hour just watching the pros (or at least, people who looked like pros) shred. Then, tried to body surf. Let's just say the ocean won. Repeatedly. Got sand… everywhere. In my hair. In my… other places.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): The Quest for the Acai Bowl. This was important. Everyone raves about acai in Florianopolis. I wanted the perfect one. Tried three different places. The first was too watery. The second was too… not acai-y enough. The third… yes. Thick, purple, creamy, and piled high with granola and fruit. Success! (Worth the sand-filled agony of the morning).
- Evening (6:00 PM onwards): Drinks at a beachfront bar. Seriously overpriced Caipirinhas. But, hey, you're on vacation. Made friends with a group of Brazilians. They taught me some more Portuguese! Or, at least, I think they did. More likely, I just nodded enthusiastically while they laughed. Karaoke. I sang (badly). Don't ask.
Day 3: Boat Trip Brouhaha (This is where things get really interesting)
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Booked a boat trip. Exciting, right? The brochure looked idyllic. Beautiful beaches, crystal-clear water, dolphins… The reality? … Well, let’s get into it.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 5:00 PM): The Boat Trip of DOOM (and Unexpected Glory). Okay, so, the boat. A little… smaller than I'd envisioned. The other passengers seemed like they’d somehow already made friends. We bobbed along. And then the engine died. In the middle of the ocean. No signal. Cue abject panic.
- (Rambling for the next hour) We floated for what felt like eternity. The crew was a blur of frantic gestures. The other passengers looked either serenely calm or utterly horrified (there wasn't much middle ground). I swear, I saw a dolphin. Or maybe it was a hallucination brought on by the fear. After what felt like an eternity, someone managed to (magically) fix the engine. The boat sputtered back to life. We continued on. And then… the most incredible thing happened. We reached this secluded cove, turquoise water, white sand. It was utterly breathtaking. Snorkeling. Swimming. The sunset! Forgetting the whole chaotic engine situation, this moment… this was magic. Changed everything. The fear, the frustration, the… well, it all faded away like a bad dream.
- Evening (6:00 PM onwards): Ate some fish. Exhausted. My brain is a mush. The boat trip taught me that even when things go horribly, spectacularly wrong, sometimes, the best things happen. Also, always bring snacks.
Day 4: Culture Shock & Canopies
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Visit to the Mercado Público. So much noise! So many smells. So much… everything! This market is a sensory overload, in the best way possible. Tried "pastel" (savory pastries). Delicious. Strolled past a vendor selling various types of local fruit. I'm starting to understand the appeal of Brazilian coffee.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Canopy tour at a nearby park. I am not naturally a fan of heights. But what the hell, right? Zip-lining through the canopy felt exhilarating. And slightly terrifying. The first zip line? Pure panic. The last? Pure joy.
- Evening (6:00 PM onwards): More Caipirinhas. Realized I've spent way too much money and I have a problem. Started planning what to do with all the money I don't have once I get home.
Day 5: The (Accidental) Hike
- Morning (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Thought I would take it easy. Found a "short" hike. Apparently, "short" is a subjective term. It turned out it was not a short walk. The hike was gorgeous! So much jungle to see and experience.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Waterfall swim. Refreshing. Cold! But refreshing. My legs are still screaming a little.
- Evening (4:00 PM onwards): Back to the apartment. Exhausted. Ate the rest of the weird custard. (Still not sure what it is). Realised tomorrow is nearly the end of the stay. Panic about going home again!
Day 6: Praia de Jurere & The End is Nigh
- Morning (10:00 AM - 2:00 PM): Bus to Praia de Jurere. The beach there is lovely. Did a lot of just relaxing on the sand, contemplating how many days I have left.
- Late Afternoon/Early Evening : Farewell dinner at a restaurant with an ocean view. Ate a lot of seafood and a lot of wine. The sunset was stunning. More expensive Caipirinhas.
- Evening (7:00 PM onwards): Packing for home. Ugh.
Day 7: Departure (and the lingering scent of sunscreen & adventure)
- Morning (8:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Final breakfast on the balcony. Soaking up the last rays of Florianopolian sun. One
Okay, so, what *is* this thing, anyway? I'm so confused.
Look, I get it. Sometimes I stare at this question and think, "Me too, pal. Me too." But basically, it's just a collection of questions and answers. Think of it like a massive, awkward Q&A session. But hopefully, a little less awkward than, you know, my last family reunion. Seriously, Aunt Mildred and the lemon bars... a different story. We'll come back to that.
The point is, I'm trying to explain a thing in a way that actually *makes sense*. God, I hope it works.
Why are these FAQs so... different? They're not like the usual dry stuff.
Because honestly, I'm allergic to dry. I’m a human being, not a freaking Wikipedia entry. Life's too short for boring FAQs. My goal, besides maybe preventing world hunger (a girl can dream!), is to make this information *relatable*. Sometimes that means rambling, sometimes it means a little bit of sass, and sometimes it means spilling my guts all over the place. Consider yourselves warned. I feel like there are some expectations to be met here. I'm trying!
So, how exactly do you, uh, *do* this thing?
Ah, the million-dollar question. It's like... a conversation with myself, mostly. I think about the things *I* would want to know, the things that frustrate me, the things that make me laugh. Then, I try to explain it using words. Simple, right?
Okay, maybe not. Sometimes I stare at a blank screen for hours, wrestling with the perfect phrasing. Sometimes I get totally derailed by a random thought. Like, did you ever wonder how many grains of sand are on a beach? I did. Yesterday. It cost me an hour of work. But hey, now you know! Maybe...
Honestly, it's a messy process. A beautiful, messy process. And the beauty is that I'm just trying to figure it out as I go. Like all of us.
Can I ask you anything? Like, *really* anything?
Within reason, sure. I mean, I won't tell you my social security number (because, hello, safety!), and I probably can't explain quantum physics without a meltdown (and you probably wouldn't want to read that). But generally, fire away. The more specific your question, the better the answer. I'm here to help, even if I sometimes sound like I'm about to spontaneously combust.
Okay, how about a little bit about... the background? What inspired all this?
Oh man, inspiration. It's like, a fleeting butterfly sometimes, right? This whole thing? It actually started with a pretty epic failure. I was trying to explain something *super* complex to my grandma. Bless her heart, she's amazing, but tech? Nope. And I was so frustrated because I was just spitting out jargon. She just looked at me with that knowing stare, and I thought, "This is *awful.*"
So, I had a little... *re-evaluation*. How can I make this stuff make sense? How can I be better? And suddenly, the idea of this... This un-stuffy FAQ popped into my head. And the rest, they say, is history. And now you’re stuck with me! Sorry!
What's the biggest challenge you face?
Staying focused, honestly. My brain? It's like a squirrel on espresso, constantly darting from one shiny object to the next. And then, there's the self-doubt. "Am I making any sense?" "Is anyone even reading this?" "Do I sound like a complete idiot?"
And, you know... sometimes, the answer is a resounding "yes." But you gotta keep going, right? You gotta push through the noise and just *try*. Otherwise, you end up in a dark room eating ice cream and wondering where it all went wrong. Not that I've ever done that. (Okay fine, maybe last Tuesday.)
What's the best thing about doing this?
When someone actually *gets it*. When someone says, "Oh! I understand now!" That's pure gold, people. It's the feeling that, even if it's just for a moment, you've connected with someone. That you've maybe, just maybe, made their lives a tiny bit easier.
And, you know, a little ego boost doesn't hurt either. Let's be honest.
Can I give feedback? And like, *how*?
Yes! Please, yes! Feedback is *invaluable*. Tell me what works, what doesn't, what's confusing, what's brilliant (ego boost, remember?). Be nice, though. I'm sensitive. (Just kidding... mostly.)
Also, constructive criticism is your friend! I’m all about improving. Just, please no hate mail. Unless you *really* feel compelled. Then, maybe.
So, are there any guarantees? Like, will I be able to understand all of this?
No guarantees. Life isn’t guaranteed. And understanding? Well, that's subjective, right? I can *try* to make it clear, but I'm not a mind reader. And honestly, even if I *was*, my brain would probably be too scattered to focus.
But I can guarantee this: I'll put my whole heart into it. I'll be honest, I'll laugh at my own jokes (even when they're terrible), and I'll keep trying. And that's the best I can do.
Is there a 'Part Two' to this? How much more of this can I handle?
Honestly? I'm working on it. Depending on what goes in the first round, I would love to add more. I have ideas for days! I'm constantly thinking of new questions to ask myself (and you!). It’s like a giant, ongoing experiment, a never-endingHotel Search Site
Marazul Apart Hotel Florianopolis Brazil
Marazul Apart Hotel Florianopolis Brazil
